The Raven and the Peacock

One story that I will never forget is this story about the raven and the peacock, it sounds funny but it’s actually meaningful.

There’s this beautiful and attractive peacock at the zoo, people liked this creature so much especially when she spreads her beautiful tail and brings out her shining and colorful feathers. There was never a time that no one ever looked at it. This peacock is one of the main attractions at the zoo. But in its life, every day, a raven is always visiting it. Checking it out, taking a look. And so, Every day, the peacock and the raven is having a conversation because the peacock is very nice, gentle, and accommodating. The raven was always welcome to drop by. But the peacock didn’t know that there is something dark, emotionally, hidden inside the raven’s heart.

As the raven always visits the zoo, they became friends, more like best friends. Then there was this day that the raven brought up a topic about them, physically. The raven told the peacock, that he’s so jealous of her because she’s beautiful, gorgeous, and attractive. While he is so black, lonely, and unattractive. People will never spend time in looking at him because he thinks that he’s ugly and not worthy of appreciation. But the peacock disagreed. She said that “If there’s one to be jealous, it should be me not you. Why? Because this physical appearance of mine is not that important to me, yes, I have this but you see, I am not free and my life is just limited here in this place and at least you get to fly around and go wherever you want. I can’t even fly and see the beauty of my surroundings. I can’t literally go to the top of a tree. You may see this as a success but it’s not, it’s really not. What’s the use of these beautiful parts when I am not free to see the world? You know what? People’s judgment and them giving attention, whether it’s positive or negative shouldn’t matter to us because the only thing that can make us appreciate ourselves is us. Happiness is not about them, it’s always about you.”

If you’re reading this, always remember that you’re beautiful no matter what. Just be yourself. You don’t need to pretend just to get their attention and appreciation. It’s better to be free than to be beautiful. It’s better to see the beauty of this world than to focus on the beauty of ourselves. We are all a raven, we feel so dirty, ugly and filthy. But that is not the thing, we don’t deserve those adjectives. So, cheer up! As long as you’re free and true to yourself, you will be happy. And one more thing, LIVE OUT LOUD.

You are beautiful just the way you are! :)And I must go.

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Save Me

What I’m about to tell you is literally and figuratively driven by my emotional and physical aspect when it comes to drowning.

The worst thing that I have experienced in this life is drowning. Because you feel so helpless, yes, helpless. And that’s a terrible thing. I never ever wanted to feel that way but unfortunately, I did. And we all did. It’s like no one would ever reach your hand to save you from dying. That feeling when you cannot lift yourself up and so, you’re hoping that someone would. And that is not the worst part, you cannot find a way to lift yourself up but something underneath the water is pulling you down.
Physically, you’re asking for help because you’re dying. Well is that even different from what you feel? emotionally? You’re seeking for help to be heard. You’re talking to everyone, to see if there is someone willing to pull you up and not push you down.

In life, drowning is bullshit. Some people would reach your hand and here you are, so gullible, actually believing in them. So as they reach your hand, they will suddenly release the hold just ’cause they see that you’re not worthy of the help. And then, there are these people, who would actually swim down not to lift you up but to pull you down, deeper and harder just because they see that you’re clearly better than them, crab mentality it is. Lastly, there are people who would help you get up because they remember all you did for them, not just once, but twice ’til there’s nothing to be remembered. Then, they will all come up with a thought that you’re just a weakling, a burden for them, always needed saving. But still, even though you knew that you will still trust them and love them ’cause they’ve saved you twice but when you drown for the third time, they will get tired of saving you and will just let you down for good.

Feeling helpless is the same as being alone, there are times that you cannot do it anymore and need help from everyone or someone but they will not come for you likewise, they will all leave you. What you have to do, is to go on without them, and live life trusting and loving yourself because, at the end of the day, you only have your shadow.

If you’re saved then good for you, but how about those people who don’t have anyone to help them?

Do not take for granted what one is feeling, you’ll never know the pain that they continually endure inside. Once someone needed help, or once you see someone drowning. Do not hesitate. Save them before it’s too late.

Dead Inside

My life’s a filthy prick; living in dread

Lo, good lord! Spare, spare me a piece of bread

Do I need to go through over the hedge?

I’m terribly wrecked, no one else but me can merge

A virtue of life in a dark voyage

Volcanic visions of minions in a bunch

Explosive vengeance, breaking momentum in lounge

What a bitter satire of vineyards tasteful launch

You played cards with the devil’s cry

Your hellish painful life hasn’t changed though you try

‘cause all promises are full of dirty lie

Pretentious demon clown, waiting for you to dieDead

I’m a Liability

Lorde’s song ‘Liability’ has been a part of my playlist and is one of my favorite songs. Part of being lost is this thought that you are a little much for everyone, I always feel that no one understands me, no one ever cared for me and I always see myself as a burden.

You think that no one would ever see the good in you, or appreciate you, just the way you are. Sometimes, we have to pretend to be someone else in order for us to feel the acceptance and belonging.

The only love that we haven’t screwed up is our love for ourselves, we tend to forget about ourselves for other people. But the question is: “Is it a bad thing to love myself? “

Well the answer is no, definitely not. Because all we have is ourselves. At the end of the day, you’ll see your shadow beside you because that is how life goes on. We shouldn’t rely on other people’s arms to comfort us, to encourage us. It’s all ourselves. Actually, the bad thing is that we hate ourselves no matter what we do. Because we always fail, we always disappoint ourselves and the people around us. But sometimes there are people who continually show their suppport. Yes, it is good that there are people rooting for you, but how can you be motivated without trusting and loving yourself? Before others to appreciate us, we should learn first how to do the same for own selves.

The most striking part of the song is this line: “The truth is that I am a toy, that people enjoy ’til all of the tricks don’t work anymore.”

Let’s admit it, once the benefits lose. The friendship or the relationship will be gone. Majority of the people stays in each other’s company not because they enjoy but because they benefit from each other. And Sometimes, you don’t gain anything,  but that person benefits from you. They will not help you unless you do them a favor, they will not care for you unless they need something from you. People are not pure in motives, they all stick to the principle of scratching each other’s backs.

A simple care is enough to save a life. Do not wait until you see their shadows disappear as the sun goes down.

Confused About Everything

Confusion is a real thing, it could be the absence of clarity in your life. And once you have this, you might not have the peace of mind in everything you do. As defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary,

“confusion is a situation in which people are uncertain about what to do or are unable to understand something clearly”; thus, confusion is the feeling where you do not understand what is happening and what is expected.

Another feeling that we can collate with confusion is disappointment. For most of the times, we work hard, harder in order to get something, finish something or accomplish something. But then, it didn’t always go as we expected. We thought that we are in control of everything but when the proper situation comes, we don’t know what’s going on anymore. Because it’s a mistake. Why? You’ll never be confused if you’ve prepared yourself in that situation. You will never ever feel confusion if you really did ready your heart and your mind in that situation. And you will never ever be confused if you really manage to complete the puzzle and see or studied the scene or the picture.

There are a lot of factors that we should consider in confusion like your environment, socioeconomic status, emotional capacity, intellectual aspect and etc., but things well get more complicated if you’ll continue to entertain that feeling(confusion) in you. Yes, it’s hard. But this is for the sake of ourselves. Just always remember that you should ready yourself in a situation where you choose to be in and clear your mind if that’s the cause of confusion, you’re the only one who could help and lift yourself up, moreover, people can’t help you if you can’t help yourself.life in the outback

Me

I’ve always wondered why I am born in this world. At times, I mostly feel discontented of the things I have and the people I have. Even my own name? I hated it. Specifically, my second name. I can’t be happy with everything, when I look at the back while I’m standing, I see nothing, none but my shadow. When I look at the right side, I see my mistakes, the wrong ones, wrong doings, wrong decisions, wrong people, making me ask the question, “what is so right in the right side?” And when I look at the left side, I still see the wrong direction, the wrong path. Where should I look? At the front? When I direct my face straight and forward, I see a mirror, broken, and bit by bit the glasses are falling so hard even though they’re small, wounding my right and left foot. And when I see that face, I see bitterness, I feel the pain felt by this boy in the mirror. If loving myself is not a mistake? Then why do I end up like this? Why? And so, right then, as the glasses wound me, I’m feeling the weakness, the hurt, the pain, penetrating inside, pushing me hard to fall down and to give up. But when it’s over, I thought it’ll be just as I said it’s over, but i was wrong, when the small glasses have stopped falling, I started to feel weakness in my knees, I fell down and cried so hard. But when I looked up asking, and praying to God, to save me in this suffering. The enormous part of the mirror fell right into my face, making me lifeless, not just dead inside but also dead outside.life in the outback

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